The world amazes me in all the years I've been around i have thought I've been though so much nothing will amaze me but i was wrong...
Michael has been so loving lately and i must admit I'm loving it so much he's been cuddly and sweet which makes him even more sexier to me. When he's like this it makes me feel special and makes me want to do things it picks me up from the slump that I'm currently in and he doesn't need to bitch and moan as much because when I'm feeling good I'm wanting to make an effort with things in general. I have so much i want to blog about but I'm not sure how i want this blog to go i could blog about mine and Jasons sexual encounter the other night which was amazing by the way wasn't sex but it was still passionate and amazing but I'm not sure i want to share such intimate details with the world again i don't want it to be a sex blog again i don't think.
At the same time i don't want my blog to get to boring, anyway were off to north wales tomorrow to see Jasons family I'm looking forward to seeing them its been a year and i must admit I've missed them they are stars so caring and loving i must admit i prefer them over my family any day.
There the type of family you'd be proud to introduce to people unlike mine where i wish i could just hide them away there so embarrassing and not on a normal scare i mean I'm sure they go out of there was to embarrass me its terrible.
Ive been having problems via the dog for months now he's been tolieting in the house and its getting beyond a joke he now sleeps in the kitchen but he's even doing it in there granted not as much as he was doing it out on the carpet but still he just doesn't come up and ask to go out anymore i take him for walks or let him out regularly and he comes in and toilets in the house I'm at my wits end with it all and his aggressive behaviour towards other dogs are getting worse, I've tried everything from self help books to trainers and behaviourists and nothing no one can get any idea whats wrong with him as he's so unpredictable you don't know when he will strike and when he won't.
As for life lets just say its looking up although the voices are playing up of late my head is spinning with it and my concentration is far from where it should be which is a shame as i was doing so well but as Jason would say there is always going to be ups and downs, highs and lows. But its so frustrating i just want to be normal i don't always wanna take medication to get me through the day but it looks like thats just whats going to be like at the moment i can't seem to shift my blues, the voices are back to telling me to do stupid things like cutting myself thoughts i don't want to think this way I'm worried incase i do go through with it like before i don't want my children to see anymore of that but its so hard not to listen to them i know it sounds strange but it really takes a lot not to listen and do these things.
I'm hoping our trip tomorrow will help lift my spirits bit that would be nice and i might be able to take my mind off all this shit in my head and on that note it is time for me to go to bed
Good night bloggers and sweet dreams
Blessed be ......
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