LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT ......

There is so much in life I didn't understand or agree with it's like when I was younger people went on about love at first sight and i never believed in such things before I had my children but then I had my children given to me for the very first time and that was it love at first fight, I couldn't have been anymore smitten even if I tried.

I have two more nights of my holiday left and I must say I've really enjoyed as I said before I was a little nervous to start off with Ive never really stayed a week With people I don't really know too well because of my condition and the voices in my head I was scared that they would notice but I've actually been really good I think I need the break away from the house.

We have been to the beach, had lovely walks and had bbq's speaking of bbq's were having another one tonight I can't wait I think Jason is cooking steak again on it yum yum yum although I had the most horrible dream last night I was a little girl again I was playing with my toys and then suddenly my aunts boyfriend came over with my aunt and I could feel my stomach turning as if I was in a roller coaster I'm feeling sick and then the adults all swat u o stairs and. Was left with him and he started to demand I sit in his lap and before I knew it He was moving his hand up my dress and I woke up to find I'm still in the tent and everyone's sleeping.

You would think is before all this by now but I'm not I don't know why but it's like it haunts me, always at the back of my mind and like to reappear when I'm having fun and relaxed which sucks ass why can't I just have fun like everyone else and not worry about what My head might do next. It's even worse when I'm visiting my mum she always sets my condition off by being her and I'm always waiting for the next fight to happen there I actually dread going to my mums more than I dread going out in public and that's saying something! Although saying that she was nice enough to give us her old three and two seater sofa's I say give was more like we gave here £100 for the two and then had to pay out for a van to come collect them all before my holiday which was a bit of a pain because money is tight as it is without an extra added cost.

My mum has been trying to message us and ring us since we left to go in this holiday to speak to the children I haven't rung them back because I'm trying to enjoy my holiday with the children as the Sunday we get back there going straight to my mums house to go on holidays for four nights then off to the dads house for a few days so I'm trying to make the most of having them which I don't think she really doesn't understand at all...

Right. Well I'm off for now as I've got loads to do

Blessed be ......